She gasped her last today at around 3pm, lying on the table in the vet’s consultation room, surrounded by her family who loves her. As mum, sister Cindy and I said our goodbyes and sayang the lil’girl, we reminisce about the recent past, of our times with her.
The last I saw her with her tiniest of meow, was around 11am this morning, as she laid in the toilet, where she had chosen to be for the past week or so (on and off). Mum was the last to see her meow back at around 1pm, when she gave Mao her lunch - which her appetite had been off since last night, having been a hungry beast the past week!
She was lifeless shortly after that, after mum had taken a pic of the girl and whatsapp us, and Cindy felt she had gone and had me checked on her.
I panicked when Mao did not respond. I essentially lost my sense of composure and frantically scrambled to put the girl in her box, so that we would bring her to the vet, to confirm her death, as asked by my sister - whom by then was seeking to take leave from work, to meet us at the vet.
As I carried her (what I thought to be) life-less body into the cardboard box I made her (and in turn put her inside her traveling box), her eyes closed and body unmoving, neither breathing nor reacting to my touch.
All these years, I have sadly been unable to carry or cradle her, she does not like it, even when I tried to carry her off the sofa just the very day before too, still growling at the bearded chinese guy hahah silly girl … but tis okay, I still loved her in my own way :)
Putting her body into the box today, would be the very first time I have carried her whole, and it was to be my last.
I am holding back the emotions at the floodgates as best as I can right now, but felt I needed to chronicle this, at this moment, so I cannot forget.
Bringing her to the vet, upon reaching the carpark, I peeped into the box, and realised her eyes were open, unlike earlier when I put her in her box, eyes shut!
Once the vet took her out of the cage/box, they’d mention she was still alive, but barely! That instant I had flashbacks to just a scant few minutes earlier, when I told my sister on the phone, that she was gone and we should call the Pet Cremation Services instead of bringing her to the vet … the wash of guilt and regret over me, is something that will stay with me for sometime … but now, it was to spend time with Mao! Screw that self-guilt-trip!
We spent the next hour or so, sayanging the cat, looking at her straight in her face, comforting her, seeing her short gasps ever so breaking our hearts, until the moment we let her go, with all of us surrounding her, looking at her, as her eyes dilated to the charming pretty girl that we remember her to be, as she gasped her last breath. She never did meow a peep til the end though, but in our hearts, her gentle "meow", will be ever etched in my mind.
Goodbye Mao Mao. Dad and Dino is waiting for you to play with you, and continue to love you. Don’t bully Dino too much tho, Dad will love you both :)